She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
