you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
