I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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