so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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