this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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