now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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