So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
