he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
