Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
