Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Enjoy the penises
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
