So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
