she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
