I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize