remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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