I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
