I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
