her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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