Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Welp...herpes.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
