great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
