Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
