you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
