She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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