How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
