yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
