Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
