I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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