We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
