Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
