'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize