dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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