I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
