is this the sara with the beer cane?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
