so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
