I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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