I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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