Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
