I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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