What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
