I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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