guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize