We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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