Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
this hospital has no fireball
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
