i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
