U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
