go do what you do best...puke behind churches
if only i could text you this smell
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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