I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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