We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i wish my penis had a tongue
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
