i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
