Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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