just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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