Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize