It's like God shit irony all over that family
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
