dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
