Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
