I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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