can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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