Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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