the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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