FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
