I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
