think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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