That's when you crack a 10am beer
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
