god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
