He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
