that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
