I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
