They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
