I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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