Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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