So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize