I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
