just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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