I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
